American Buddhist

Since I last posted here on American Buddhist, I was laid off from my job after 11 years, my checking account dwindled, my mother had a nervous breakdown, my dog can’t walk up the stairs anymore, my wife is dealing with the poor job market due to the recession, my best friend’s son has health issues, another best friend is on the other side of the world under stress, I can’t support both of my families as I’d like to, I stopped exercising regularly, I did not meditate, I spent too much time online worrying about blog wars and blog comments on raw.dailyskew.com, and I’ve had internal struggles with powerful emotions, such as bitterness, anger, frustration, and competition. What good is a religion, philosophy, or belief system if I don’t apply it when the going gets tough?

Thus the problem of the American Buddhist, who is constantly struggling with finances, stability, and the health of his loved ones. That being said, I actually held up very well under these circumstances- very well. I didn’t crack. I continued to do what needed to be done, and gave my emotional support to my loved ones. I’m more mature now, more hardened, more responsible, more disciplined, and less surprised.

Around Christmas Eve I decided to change things with the New Year approaching. Time to reboot. Time for some real renewal and real change. Real hope. Time to get back on the spiritual track and apply what the Buddha taught us thousands of years ago. Time to be spiritual in all aspects of my life. Time to review Buddhist studies and be stronger spiritually.

I started meditating after Christmas. I got into the yoga position and listened to my hyperactive mind. I was worried about the future and attached to my mother and dog. I missed the daily routine of reporting to Tashman Technologies every day for 11 years. I resented what Tashman Technologies has become and what my former co-workers thought of me and my legacy, which I was proud of.

But then I started to focus on my breathing and the sound of my breath inhaling and exhaling through my nostrils. It was hard to keep my back straight because I’m hunched in front of the computer all day and I haven’t been stretching like I had most of 2009 before I was laid off. But I managed to get my mind blank and clear my head. I got the perspective back. Then I began to read my Buddhist books again, reviewed some Buddhist literature online, saw a few documentaries online about Tibet and the life of the Buddha and I saw all of my problems in a much better light.

I realized that my lifespan doesn’t begin or end. My life force will be transformed. I will move on. If I’m lucky I have a chance to break the cycle of suffering if I stick to Buddhism, the prescription of happiness. I analyzed my subconscious reasons for feeling certain ways, and saw through the illusions, desires, and attachments that I created for myself. Even before New Year’s Day I felt freer. I set aside some time for exercise and meditation every day, and my wife supported me on that, since I finally exposed her to the Four Noble Truths via a documentary. I feel more open now to people.

I celebrated my mom’s birthday today. Everyone had a great time. I took care of everyone. When I drove home at night, I saw a raccoon on the ice cold road in the dark. It was still moving even though its legs were broken. I knew there was NO chance it could be moved or survive tonight. With cars in front of me and behind me, I just couldn’t stop. I went home, and was unsure if I should drive back. I went in my house, but I realized I had to know what happened to that raccoon.

I ran out of the house in the darkness and coldness without my jacket or hat and I ran up two blocks. My face was red and frozen and my eyes were glassy. I was the only one crazy enough to be outside at this hour. There the raccoon was…it wasn’t moving anymore because it was hit again…the blood was everywhere.

And for the first time, I didn’t cry when I saw a dead animal, even with the vision of the raccoon’s last dying seconds that I saw when I drove by it replayed in my head, trying to move by instinct. My previous observations left me in hysterical tears, from the time I saw a car run over a happy squirrel looking for acorns, to seeing a crushed duck one morning that I had been feeding every day right where I live. It all stems from when my childhood pets were seen as family members and I treated them like my brothers and sisters I never had. It’s why I became a vegetarian 20 years ago- animals have feelings, no matter what billions of people think.

This time around I realized that the raccoon was free from suffering now. It’s a shame its life had to end like that- it was blameless; humans built roads in the middle of his ancestor’s forest. Progress and technology broke that raccoon’s legs and took his life tonight. But now the suffering has ended for it at least for tonight. I mourned the raccoon on the way back home, this time walking slowly- not running. I prayed for it and knew that the pain was over. It’s time for the raccoon to begin a new life in some form. I held my chin up high.

You see in Buddhism, the concept of rebirth is a given. Our energy is reborn in some form. It is assumed that your greatest enemy in this life could have been your loved one in a previous life or could perhaps be your child, parent, friend, or spouse in a future life. Every living thing on earth is part of you. We are delusional to see each other as separate entities. It is illogical to destroy other living things or make them suffer. Having compassion for all living things is of paramount importance in Buddhism. Everything depends on preconditions and each other.

I understand that some of you may mock me for caring for a raccoon, as a reader named Richard mocked me for saving the life of a cockroach. I know many Floridians see raccoons as pests that ruin their garbage or break in their homes or attack their cats. That’s fine. One day…one life…maybe you’ll understand.

Until then…

Be seeing you, my friends.

I made the Four Noble Truths a sticky Page on this blog, located at the top right, for easy access and reference.

In addition to a simple listing, I added an expanded commentary on that Page.

Dharma wheel

For those of you with no previous exposure to Buddhism, the Four Noble Truths is a description of reality; it is not like the Ten Commandments or a set of rules and regulations. In fact, the phrase “Four Noble Truths” is the best we can do in terms of translating it into English.

The Buddha encouraged us to test the logic of the Four Noble Truths and experience it on our own- never take anyone’s word blindly. In fact, Buddhism is all about subjective experiences to develop the self-awareness and clarity, as opposed to memorizing things.

There is no fixed “I” or “me”. Look at your baby picture.  Is that “you”? Why? Because you have the same genetic code? Think of all of the memories and experiences you’ve had since that picture was taken. Think of all of the ideas, beliefs, knowledge, and feelings you’ve had since Day 1 of your life. How about your body, skin, and brain at the atomic level? Your physical being changes as much as your mental states.  Are your tastes, habits, likes and dislikes the same? How could you be the same “person”?

If you could go back into time and talk to your teenage self, how disgusted would you be with “yourself”?

Society seems to pound in the idea that we have an eternal “self” or a “soul”- an unchanging spirit or fixed personality that will eventually get sent to heaven, hell, or have some “karma log”. In fact our language forces us to use these conventions. All the Buddha meant when he said “anatta” was that there is not a fixed and permanent self, and that we get stressed out when we get attached to something that really temporary. Everything changes, and nothing is eternal; so to get attached to such a notion will lead your astray, and cause frustration.

If you really examine “yourself”, you can see that feelings come and go. We have the freedom to change. We can break our bad habits and conditioning. Our mental state totally changes after we die. Energy becomes transferred, not destoyed. But going deeper than that is outside the scope.

Many later Buddhist traditions, and some writers, like to say that Buddhism is about not having a “self”. But the early Buddhist writings say show that the Buddha doesn’t actually answer the question on the existence of a self with a “yes” or “no” answer.

The point he was trying to make was:

1) To say that “there is a self” or “there is no-self”  falls into an extreme view that makes the path to Enlightenment impossible.

2) When you are under stress, frustration, pain, or mental anguish, the Buddha wants us to think, “This negative feeling that I am holding on to and ruining my day-it really mine? If my perception and mind create my own reality, why should I make an illusionary personal hell? If this feeling or view is stressful, but not really mine, why hold on to these emotions or views and torture myself?”

3) Too many philosophical questions about things that cannot be proven (is there an eternal soul or not?) just leads to more frustration and stress and a lack of faith in the world. We may not be investing our time or energies well to get hung up over something that can never be proven. Debating things like this is like an infinite message board forum where the members just keep going back and forth, and the last post still doesn’t answer anything.

4) It all gets back to the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path. Directly experience and practice those duties, and the anxiety, worrying, fear, contradictions, or mind-numbing discussion about if we have a “self” quickly disappears. It’s about keeping things simple.

Hi friends,

The world may seem chaotic and stressful. Things may seem hopeless. Yet I believe Buddhism can help us cope with what’s happening around us.

Join me on the journey of an American Buddhist.

Right now, I only have one article written. It is a brief introduction.

Peace,

Damian Hospital